Stayin’ alive

A kidney dialysis/transplant diary

Only a bird in a guilted cage

I have a lot of thoughts running amok at the moment and what strikes me today is the amount of guilt I find associated with life with a chronic disease. So many things that used to be thoughtless, truthfully, require examination now.

Maybe its my protestant upbringing or German background, but examination usually ends up in my feeling guilty. Though I hadn’t thought about it, today I realize I feel guilty far too much of the time.

Take that extra drink of water? yes … no … yes


Eat that unleeched pile of high-potassium garlic mashed potatoes? yes … no … yes


Hurt too much to get on the treadmill for 5 minutes? yes … no … yes


Letting the aches and pains keep me from work? yes … no … yes


Forget — on purpose — to check blood sugar? yes .. no … yes


Unable to keep to the eating plan I know is the only way I’ll qualify for a kidney transplant? yes … no … yes


Feel like all of these medical problems are my fault because of lifestyle choices? yes … no … yes


And that’s only the beginning. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed lately.

Now if I only had a piece of geld for each guilt, I’d have my retirement assured.


February 27, 2008 - Posted by | diabetes, dialysis, fistula, health, kidney, renal diet, renal recipes, transplant, weight loss

1 Comment »

  1. A dietician told me not to think of any food as “bad” but instead to do things in moderation. Of course I’m not that moderate, I’ve pretty much eliminated potassium from my diet and am probably not eating enough and need to work on that, but I think it’s a good theory :). Anyway, just to say feeling guilty about a slip up doesn’t help, as you know, and one slip-up isn’t going to kill you, just move on and start again fresh if that makes sense. For an example, if I have a bad day and just don’t eat enough, rather than castigate myself and make it worse, I try to do better the next day and that works better for both my physical and emotional health.

    I’m impressed you are still working, I haven’t been able to do that myself. I only do volunteer gigs.

    Comment by hymes | February 27, 2008 | Reply

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