Stayin’ alive

A kidney dialysis/transplant diary

Sufferin’ succotash

Written very late Friday, early Saturday Dec. 14-15 

Yes, that’s Sylvester Jr. again. He may not look it since he’s sans paper bag, but he “so ashamed” once again.Sylvester Jr

I ate like there was no tomorrow today. Damn. And I’ve promised myself

I will be accountable to you. I hate when this happens.

Caloric Intake: 3671

Yeah, that’s right.  Over 21/2 days worth of my calorie allotment.

Why? Oh, I don’t know. I could blame it on eating out twice. I could blame it on feeling kinda sassy and wanting to celebrate that I was alive and feeling pretty dang good. But I guess I truly have to blame it on wanting to and instant gratification.

I could say “never again,” but that’s probably not true.

What I can say is I’m going to try very hard not to let this be the first slip on a slippery slope.

We had a business lunch at work today and the place only really had pub grub so I decided if I was going to have to break the bank, I’d do it with something I’ve been jonesing for for longer than this food strategy change (note how I did not use the D word). I had a tenderloin with a side of fries and onion rings (about 5).

Of course I had to have a diet Coke with it, but I should have told the waitress no when she brought the refill. I didn’t and I drank it. Just like a normal person, which we all know I’m not.

Then I took some papers and meds down to Aaron (my son) in Iowa City thinking he probably would just leave his tattoo station for a few minutes to come pick up the things he needed. When I called to tell him I was at our meeting place, he said “Mom, how about you come back in an hour and we have dinner.”

Think I’m going to turn that down? No way, AJ.

So I went to the knit shop and wiled away an hour.

When I picked him up, he said he was hungry for steak which means a trip to Lone Star Steakhouse for us.

Now, I could have had the Chicken Ceasar Salad.  I could have. But I didn’t. I could have had just a plain salad. I could have. But I didn’t. I could have ordered just oil and vinegar dressing. I could have. But I didn’t.

And the Con Queso Dip with tortilla chips just sounded too cheesalicious to pass up and I was feeling good and I was having supper with my son and … well, you get the picture. So it was Con Queso (160 calories), tortialla chips (not sure), a New York Strip Steak (888 calories) with Steamed Vegetables (71 calories),  a dinner salad with 2 dressings (200 calories) and what’s about equivalent of a piece of rye bread (100).

And two full glasses of, you guessed it, diet Coke.

I mean, if you’re way over the top on calories you might as well totally blow the fluid intake, right?  And while you’re at it, make it soda filled with evil phosphorus … and, oh, yeah… don’t take you’re phosphorus binder. It won’t kill ya, will it?  It sure will if you do it every day and once a week isn’t an option either.

I think I must have been in vacation mode or just call me Cleopatra Queen of Denial.

I have to learn to cope when these moods strike. I have to find something that seems as much of a reward or treat or makes me feel half normal or something.  It makes me feel so defeatist and disappointed in myself.

Any ideas???????????

I hope I can report to you tomorrow that I stepped right back onto the right path, my steps sure and steady. I have every intention of doing that. Send good thoughts, please.


December 15, 2007 - Posted by | diabetes, dialysis, health, kidney, renal diet, renal recipes, transplant, weight loss

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